Home 🡆 Why Do I Attract Toxic People in my life?

Why Do I Attract Toxic People in my life?

Learn why you attract toxic people in your life and how to deal with them.

The Nature of Human Mind and Toxicity:

Have you ever wondered why some individuals behave in offensive ways seemingly without any reason?

While we may never fully understand their specific motivations, we understand that that’s their way to seek ultimate fulfilment. We can take control of our own experiences. Let’s explore the underlying causes of such toxic behavior, delve into the scientific explanations, and discover effective strategies for dealing with it. This post aims to empower you to become resilient, like an unflippable switch. Imagine having a switch that remains impervious to external influences, no matter how hard others may try to affect you. It can be incredibly frustrating when you feel unable to protect yourself from negativity.

The field of human psychology has revealed that we often attract individuals who resonate with our thoughts and mental patterns. In fact, the collective intelligence and financial status of the people we surround ourselves with tend to influence our own. It may sound surprising, but it holds true. This phenomenon is known as group psychology, and at its core lies the reticular activating system.

The reticular activating system functions as a regulator of our behavior and thoughts. It tends to focus our attention on ideas or beliefs held by the group we associate with, shaping our perspectives and actions.


The human brain has abundant computational power. It can accumulate and assimilate every bit of information it receives through the five senses [both objective and abstract]. But it has to filter out the unnecessary OUT OF CONTEXT information and store it in the subconscious mind.

Our brains are programmed to have confirmation bias over our worldview. In other words, we only see people and events that resonate with what we believe how they should/could/would be. And then our consciousness manifests more experience that further strengthen our beliefs. The duo of consciousness and mind is a blessing, but people who don’t know the law of attraction usually fall prey to a cyclical pattern that continues to push them into their own rabbit hole.

Toxicity arises from habitual patterns of negative emotions, and such emotions arise from unfulfilled desires. Every human regulates emotions over 28 days although it may vary. Furthermore, sometimes people face situations where they are forced to feel a certain way, for example, feeling nervous before giving a speech. These emotions may become habitual and cause anxiety in some individuals.

Here’s Why You Attract Toxic People:

We witness toxicity and bad behavior because of our own negative beliefs about the world.

Certain people attract toxicity for a reason. We attract the type of people in our life that align with our state of mind. The attraction is due to the confirmation bias and the law of attraction. Moreover, this poorly conceived self-image structures around the worldview created by our parents and the people we have met. Also, our environment, and the type of people we surround ourselves with, are a reflection of our own mental image.

Ask yourself the following questions:
  1. What do I see in others that I despise? Can I change my perspective and manifest more positivity?
  2. What is my image among peers, family members, and friends?

Although toxic people may interrupt and cause trouble, notice that your awareness fuels that toxicity. The moment you start seeing the good in others, the people around you begin seeing you differently. Their subconscious mind just cannot ignore your vibrations.

Characteristics of Toxicity

Characteristics of a toxic person.
Toxic person’s characteristics.

Insight: Toxicity is Always An Unconscious Spread

The very actions a person takes is not for desire, but contentment. He believes that when he reaches there, he will find peace. And so his belief manifests into reality.

Characteristics of Toxic people

The characteristics of a toxic personality are as follows:

  1. Poor self-esteem and ignorance.
  2. Inconsiderate and ungrateful.
  3. Thirst for attention because they believe you are better than them.
  4. They find ways to make you seem/feel small and insignificant because they are afraid of exposing their own emotion of unworthiness.

Ungratefulness does not come from a lack of empathy. In fact, humans cannot lack empathy, they can only compromise it for attention. People love attention.

Cause of toxic behavior

Not necessarily just when you have a life purpose, it is happening all the time. Your energies might not be focused on one goal but emotionally scattered everywhere. The problem lies in both the exploiter and the victim. The moment one taps out of the vibration, the connection breaks!

Negative self-talk

People have built a habit of saying the wrong things to themselves to protect their self-image. Have you ever noticed this? If someone makes you sad, you only think about the person who made you feel sad. 

You never look at the sad person (you!).

There are only two reasons for toxic behavior:

1. Inferiority Complex

2. Attention Seeking

The Solution: How Not To Attract Toxicity & Deal With Toxic People?

How to deal with toxic people. step by step.
Step-by-step solution to toxicity.

Are You Being Toxic on Yourself? Do you have inferiority complex too? Similar personalities love company. A sad person will not spend time talking to a guy about how good his day went.

You may have built so many dreams ever since your childhood. They are just like you, sticking with their goals. 

They have dreams of success, peace, abundance, or maybe love. The bully that bullies you daily might be resenting his loved one’s death. He feels lonely or dumb when interacting with other kids, which triggers his defense mechanism to protect himself… His identity.

Maybe the person who cut past you on the road was in a hurry to see his new born baby. Perhaps he was in a hurry to get to his office, or else his boss would fire him, hence halting his family’s only income source. You never know the context.

Step 1: Forgive them!

No reward, no reinforcement. Neural connection strengthens every time you reward someone’s toxicity with attention. When attention is all they are seeking, giving it to them will make them more toxic.

Forgive them for what they’ve done and withdraw your energies from that place. Don’t even bother thinking about them. Understand that it is not them, it is their negative patterns and ego. In truth, things are not personal. For instance, if someone calls you fat, they are not calling you fat, they are just showing you the opinion they hold of a fat person. Consequently, trying to persuade you into acknowledging their worldview. In truth, they are living in their own fantasy.

I think you’d get a better insight if we point out the traits of a toxic or unpleasing personality. I explained the 15 traits of an unpleasant personality in this post: Why I Can’t Make Friends!. Napoleon Hill pointed these traits out in one of his seminars. To make a dramatic change, use autosuggestions: How to Use Autosuggestion to Change Your Life

Step 2: Stop feeding them with your attention.

When you stop giving attention to their toxic behavior and just put it aside, they’ll feel irritated and either stop being with you or change.

Don’t be bothered to protect yourself from their tricks and manipulation tactics. Just tell them what needs to be said and see how they react. Their reaction will determine whether you want to stick with them or leave them altogether.

Step 3: Choose whether you want them in your life or not.

Tell them what needs to be said. If they do not comply or understand, leave them. You do not need them.

This post is not about toxic people, it is about you and your well-being. You deserve to be happy. So, stop giving your attention to toxic people, and you’ll see that people disappear or comply with you naturally. Furthermore, I would like to hear from you and your story down in the comments. I appreciate that you read this through.


We see what our beliefs and mental paradigms show us. We attract toxicity in our life through what’s called a reticular activation system.

If you feel that you live in or are trapped inside a toxic environment. Ask yourself the following questions:
  1. Do I have a poor self-image?
  2. What is my place in society?
  3. What is my image among peers, family members, and friends?

The characteristics of a toxic personality are as follows:

  1. Poor self-esteem and ignorance.
  2. Inconsiderate and ungrateful.
  3. Thirst for attention because they believe you are better than them.
  4. They find ways to make you seem/feel small and insignificant because they are afraid of exposing their own emotion of unworthiness.

There are two causes for toxicity

  1. Attention seeking
  2. Inferiority complex

Treat toxicity with these 3 steps:

  1. Forgive them.
  2. Stop feeding their beliefs with your attention.
  3. Choose whether you want them or not. MAKE A DECISION.

Thank you for reading the post on why you attract toxic people in your life. Here are some more interesting posts:

11 Best Positive Affirmations For A Great Morning Routine

An attitude of Gratitude: Change Your Life With Gratitude!

Here is a great post if you believe you have a victim mindset: Victim Mentality

Albert Einstein’s Quote

“For if we decide that a universe is an unfriendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries, and our natural resources to achieve safety and power by creating bigger walls to keep out the unfriendliness and bigger weapons to destroy all that which is unfriendly and I believe that we are getting to a place where technology is powerful enough that we may either completely isolate or destroy ourselves as well in this process.

If we decide that the universe is neither friendly nor unfriendly and that God is essentially ‘playing dice with the universe’, then we are simply victims to the random toss of the dice and our lives have no real purpose or meaning.

“But if we decide that a universe is a friendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries, and our natural resources to create tools and models for understanding that universe. Because power and safety will come through understanding its workings and its motives.” “God does not play dice with the universe,” — Albert Einstein

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