13 Psychological Facts to Make Good Friends

How can I make friends?

Do you ever question yourself, why I can’t make friends? Or why do they hate me? Everyone feels lonely from time to time. In the US, 46% of the population feels lonely regularly. We are literally in the digital age, where you can connect to thousands people with a few clicks.

…So many social networking websites, so many people just like you and I; Yet everyone seems to be engaged with their own mental issues. Sometimes people seem to get repelled by you and act as though you are invisible — To which you may ask, why?

While there is no fool-proof methodology to make friends because everyone’s built different, you can definitely discover personal attributes that repel people away from you. Here are 13 triggers that make people dislike you. Also, by avoiding people with these 13 traits, you’ll definitely attract high-value and genuine friends in your life.

How do you really make good friends?

To analyze our behavior and problems that cause us to behave in a certain way and make us repulsive. We created a condensed list of reasons why you may not have a pleasing personality.

These reasons are collected from the 20 years of research of a person who devoted his entire life to his study of successful people throughout history. His name is Napoleon Hill!

He analyzed hundreds of successful men, and also, the reasons why people fail in life. If you realize where you are falling short, just become mindful of your behavior. Making “real” friends would become effortless if you don’t fall under any of the following. However, remember that these traits DO NOT exhibit your character in any way! A good person may exhibit these traits, but it is unlikely that a bad person does not exhibit any one of these traits.

1. A Tendency Not To Listen.

Breaking in or running away when people are speaking, in any way, is terrible and disrespectful to others. People love to talk about themselves. Especially, talking about things they love and things they like about themselves.

To have a pleasing personality, you’ve got to be a good listener.

I heard a really powerful quote on a lewis Howes podcast on YouTube that said “You’ve got to be the most interested person in the room to be the most interesting person.” It’s powerful because it’s true. Enthusiasm is the MOST important asset one can have. It decides whether you’d succeed in life or not.

2. Sarcasm

Talking sarcastically, speaking of wise facts that are not so wise, is a sure indicator of a repulsive personality. People usually confuse sarcasm with humor and believe that having sarcasm is an indicator of higher intelligence. Not true! Treat everyone as an equal.

3. Vanity

Vanity not just of material possession but also of intelligence, skill, etc is more repulsive than it is conceived in our minds. People might appreciate you at the moment for your possessions but will inevitably begin to avoid you.

4. Indifference in listening when others are speaking

You’ve got to be enthusiastic about the people you talk to. To be genuinely enthusiastic when you are not, you have to act like you are enthusiastic.

Although this might sound like a bit of advice a snake would give, it actually develops genuine enthusiasm. If you are bad at acting, act like you are good at acting. (It works for some reason.). You’ve got to listen to them. If you love to read, listen to them as you listen to your own voice when reading a novel.

5. Attempting to flatter where flattery is not deserved

Do you know of that kid in the class who talks a lot with the teacher before the exam? Being flattery may work if it is deserved. People tend to go overboard with it and bring quick resentment among groups.

This also notifies the person that you are trying to get something that you probably should not get. Instead of flattery, compliment them, and only when there is something to compliment about.

6. Finding fault in things

There was an obnoxious guy in my classroom who criticized everyone for everything they spoke on stage.

Criticism or finding fault in everything and everyone. Of course, he was able to impress one girl with it, but the entire class mocked him for his behavior and laughed at him. Criticism is usually done with an endeavor to have a voice or stand out.

It might sound counter-intuitive, but the more ordinary you are, the more you stand out of the crowd because everyone is trying to stand out by being extraordinary.

7. Challenging Those Who You Disagree With

Doing so with a desire just to stay on the opposite side. Don’t do it! It does not just make you repulsive to the person you disagree with, but also to your entire group.

8. Volunteering Unsolicited Advice (Make friends, not politicians)

This trait is prominent among young adults and elderly people. “Free advise” as said by Napoleon Hill, “is valued just as much as it costs.”. Free advice is ALWAYS unappreciated and in return for it, you’ll most likely get a “Didn’t ask.”.

Instead of advising people, give them constructive suggestions. That’s what psychotherapists do. Suggestions are more powerful than advice.

9. Habit of Speaking of Personal Ailment (ill people make ill friends)

The habit of speaking of personal ailment for sympathy and special treatment is tolerated only for a while but won’t help you make friends. You might actually gain some sympathy, but you wouldn’t be liked by others.

People don’t feel happy around an ill person. To win a friendship or anyone in general, you’ve got to make them feel happy. How do you make them feel happy? By being happy first! A happy person gets more help than a person who actually needs help.

10. Habit of conveying superiority (friends are not your labors)

The habit of conveying superiority either through words or action makes a person unapproachable. This habit is usually used to gain the respect of other people. You must negotiate with other people on their own level to gain their respect.

Not just superiority, if you keep your hands closed, wear headphones, and don’t look at people in the eye, people would rarely approach you. Body language tells a lot about you.

11. Envy (It doesn’t make good friends)

If you envy and resent the possession of others, you certainly have a negative mental attitude, which is not liked by anyone. You have to appreciate and compliment people for their possessions or tell them directly with a humble smile that you envy them.

Envy, jealousy, anger, and intemperance are states of mind. These are the demons deeply planted in us through evolution. They protected us from many things in the past. They don’t protect us now. If you feel envious of people, take deep breaths. The negative emotion will fade away.

12. Poor clothing

Poor clothing and carrying yourself improperly portray a weak personality. You can’t make friends without a good first impression. Wear your clothes properly, keep your pants stay above your waist, get a t-shirt or shirt that fits well and wash, iron, and change your clothes regularly. Keep a handkerchief and a pen in your pocket!

13. Careless in posture

Posture is the first thing that comes into sight when talking to people. It gives positive or negative vibes to other people. A person with a crooked shoulder has a weak personality. A person who carries himself properly and keeps his body straight, shoulders loose, and a face glowing is welcomed in every group.

Be mindful of your posture. Shake hands with a firm grip (Don’t crush their hands). Most people shake hands intending to break the bones. Don’t do that! It looks ignorant.

And never ever EVER look at the handshake. Look at the person in the eye with firm eye contact and a smile. 🙂

Conclusion

So these were the 13 reasons how not to make friends, and how to fix them. Many people are waiting and looking to meet a person like you. You are not alone. Be the person you’d like to befriend! Have a great day and a lovely friendship. Share your insights and comments down below!

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